I'm trying to tell myself to stay positive and write a lovely post full of giving thanks. I do have a lot to be grateful for. A wonderful family that I'm close to, a husband who, even in his massively over-protective ways, has the best wishes for me and supports me, and a beautiful little girl who makes me insanely happy even in times of frustration.
I had the opportunity of a lifetime to visit and live in England and see the many sights and wonders it has to offer and I truly miss it at times. I miss the friends I made there and watching my little girl grow up with the friends she made there.
I have a job in this uncertain economy and I have a husband who still has a job and I pray he continues to have a job in this next year. I have the opportunity to send my little girl to a great pre-school that she loves going to, I have a roof over my head, food for my stomach, and I have my health.
Even with all these blessings, God gives us trials and I have a couple on my plate right now that are proving a bit frustrating.
Many know of my struggles with infertility and that through IVF I was able to have Makenna. Not only that, but on our first try which was truly a miracle. Well many, many tries later and we have not had the same success. I seem to be strong through each trial and failure but little by little it eats away at me. I try and be positive and remind myself that many don't have any success and I've received Makenna.
We decided to have one last go around and we were going to start back early in the year (like around April,) but at Chris's insistence, I went to my regular OB/GYN to have them to do some follow-up routine type work to see if there was anything else we were missing. Through some testing, they found that I have hypo-thyroidism. This can cause, among other problems, an inability to have the fertility treatments work. After many weeks of trying to get it regulated and within an acceptable range, we were ready to start again. Then the OB/GYN here suggested an "Implantation Failure Study." We did this extra test figuring that it would help rule out any more reasons why IVF might not work. Those tests all came back fine.
After some more go-arounds with the Fertility office, I was finally able to start shots this month. Then the news yesterday from the doctor's...My thyroid level is way too high. They were still telling me to take the shots and medications and come to their office tomorrow but I don't see the point. Until my thyroid level can come back into normal limits, I don't know if we should continue down this route.
I had to call my OB/GYN here and ask them to up my dosage but they are not really in the endocrinology business and agreed to have me up it but also are going to set me up with an endocrinologist as soon as possible. In some sense I know all this is for my good and it's just teaching me patience of which I am sorely lacking. The OB/GYN here feels that the fertility drugs are probably inhibiting my pituitary gland from doing what it needs to regulate my thyroid so it's like I'm in a catch-22. I guess I just have to wait and see what the fertility doctor says tomorrow and go from there and if I have to wait longer, than so be it.
The other issue is that the dreaded "C" word has hit my family. CANCER. We don't know what stage but the doctor here seems to think that it was caught in the early stages so that the chances of it being anything too serious is most likely minimal - again another blessing I have to hold on to and hope for. The hard thing is that it's my mom. It would be hard regardless of who it hits but I was not prepared for it to be my mom. That's another trip up to Syracuse in less than a week to see what they say. At least I've been able to be comforted that this may be an easy fix, and that's what we're praying for.
Now back to blessings.....Last Sunday at church, Makenna was part of a Thanksgiving program and she had a line to say. But to my surprise, she had many lines to say and singing to do (with other kids). She filled in for other kids that were unable to be there. I was surprised at how well she got up in front of all the congregation and just said her lines with no fear or shyness. I hope that stays with her as she grows and has more opportunities for public speaking.
It's also a blessing to see her personality blossoming. Today, while looking at ads from the paper with daddy, (in trying to get ready for shopping,) she saw an ad for purses. I muttered how she has enough bags (bookbags,) and or purses to last her. Her reply, "I don't have enough purses!" (stated matter-of-factly). All I can say is that who ever is lucky enough to marry this girl better have a closet bigger than Imelda Marcos!