Friday, August 13, 2010

Frustration and Tears

That about sums it up - for me.  I guess you could say the same for Makenna.

Yesterday went fairly well.  Again, the correlation between our morning and how her day went at pre-school was evident.  We had a so-so morning and she had a bad day at school.  On a good note, she had a
good night at swim.

I'm pretty sure I wrote some time ago about how she was scared to jump off the swimming blocks at the pool.  Last night, she didn't even think twice about it.  She jumped right in.  Plus, I saw her swimming with her face in the water for a long time period of time. 

After swim we went to the church as they were just having a small get-together and kids were allowed to come and enjoy a movie and popcorn.  As soon as Makenna saw the movie on the t.v. she said, "mom, Scooby-Doo!"  I have no idea how the heck she knew that as I've never - ever have watched that show with her (as I can't stand it.)  The same thing happened a long time ago with Sponge Bob Square Pants - she knew who/what that was and I never had it on the t.v. previously.  Weird! 

Anyways, she was more concerned about how her cousin Katie was bugging her or how her other cousin Eli was swiping popcorn off her plate.  I could clearly see how she would be with other brothers or sisters.  I would hear a lot of "Mom, Katie's looking at me."  "Mom, Katie's touching me."  "Mom, Eli took my popcorn..No Eli!  That's naughty...say you're sorry."

On to today...this morning went a bit better than yesterday and I was told she had a good day at school.  Although, it wasn't her normal teacher but I'll take it.  I just wish her good day had continued into the rest of the night.

We stopped over at her grandparents house for a short bit and then once I got her in the car it was like a switch hit and she was a mess.  Talking back, misbehaving, yelling.  I had to stop at a store and implicitly told her that she had to stay with me and not go wandering off.  That did not work - it did to some extent but not great. 

Then we went to Sam's Club and met Chris and before we got there I just sat in the car ready to scream and wanting to cry.  I just got to such a point of feeling like a bad mom and wondering what I did wrong to get such a bratty kid.  I realize she's three but holy cow, some days I feel like I'm raising a hellion.  It makes me think twice about having another.  Feeling like, if I can't handle this one child, how in the world can I handle another?

She was no better for her father and there was a lot of us saying, "don't hit Makenna, don't yell Makenna, don't spit Makenna, be nice Makenna, STOP IT MAKENNA."  I just wanted to walk away and let her realize that some of the reasons why we tell her all these things is because we love her so much that we don't want her to get hurt - to see what it's like to be on her own.  I obviously wouldn't do this but I just needed to take a breath and walk away as I wanted to throttle her.

As we came in separate cars, I made Chris take her home in the car while I finished up some shopping and then got home and found her being put to bed - not surprisingly.  Chris said she cried all the way home.  I went up and tried to calmly tell her that we love her very much and it's important for her to listen to us so that she'll get the things that she wants.  Again...trying to rationalize with a three year old, but it made me feel better that I could come back with a calm demeanor.  Underneath it though I still wanted to just break down and cry in frustration for the evening.

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